Title: "Hate That I Want You" (1/4) Written by: Shawn

Summary: Anakin wanted to forget her... to bleed her out of his soul until there was nothing left of her to miss. Padme wanted to erase the stain of him from her heart... to wrench the thirst for his touch from her skin forever.

Rating: Gloriously, Unapologetically NC-17

Category: Angsty Smut Romance

Ship: Anakin Skywalker and Padm Amidala

Timeline/Spoilers: In this universe the Clone Wars lasted four full years. This story takes place during a AU "Revenge of the Sith" time-frame. Palpatine died aboard General Grievious's ship, and Count Dooku survived, thus becoming the new Sith Lord. No one ever found out who Palpatine truly was. Anakin never turned to the Dark Side. The new Supreme Chancellor has ended the war, but the shroud of the Dark Side still clouds everything...

Disclaimer: George Lucas owns it all. I'm just playing in his backyard.

Authors Notes 1: Passion, love, jealousy, pain, stubbornness, and regret are all parts of life.

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more." ~~ Erica Jong

"The Sacrifice"
Senator Padme Amidala's Personal Starship

Currently flying in Hyperspace - 3 hours from Coruscant

Leaving the Outer Rim Territories

Late Night

Anakin's urgent, ravenous kiss haunted her.

Steeling her resolve against the firestorm of hot emotion rising inside her, Padme calmly tucked a errant curly strand behind her ear while focusing on the data-pad in her lap. Her Senatorial and personal security detail flew in three separate starships, following the 'Sacrifice' through Hyperspace on their journey back to Coruscant. The diplomatic treaty signing she arranged on the moon of Maroth in the Outer Rim was a resounding success for the new Republic, but was accompanied by new threats against her life.

Although Padme was far from unaccustomed to them, new Supreme Chancellor Mothma felt a security upgrade was an appropriate response.

And so her unexpected Jedi Protector was at the helm of her personal starship, seated beside her now... tension as thick as Titanparisteel in the air between them.

Turning away as she gazed through a side view port at the whirling blue mists of Hyperspace, her tongue ghosted softly over her bottom lip for even a hint of Anakin's taste. She shivered... and hated herself for it, her body's traitorous reaction to his close proximity. In recent weeks she'd heard the rumors that he'd been killed. Dreaded them in the deepest recesses of her heart, and when she saw him for the first time in five standard months just hours ago he'd wasted no time in dragging her inside a empty locker room, capturing her mouth so hungrily her womb clenched in the shadows.

She'd pushed and shoved at his hard chest, swearing at him over his reckless behavior, struggling in his strong embrace while at the same time biting at his warm mouth as he plundered hers wetly.



It was always this way with them, hidden in back rooms, dark corners, seedy lower level hotels, and shadowy hallways. Quenching this incredible desire they couldn't live without, all the while choking it from the light of day.

As wrecked and ruined as Padme felt they were, typically when one of them couldn't go another minute without the other they'd find some way to meet and fuck all night long. Rage against the mistakes they'd made with raw, primal lust. Just drown themselves in each other before walking away, swearing it will never happen again.

Such lies.

What they shared, this dark passion, was far from a sweet storybook fairytale. But during wartime it was all that they could steal in the late night hours.

But not tonight.

Not after that disgusting HoloNet broadcast Padme watched just minutes before boarding her ship. The one that featured a shocking expose on a apparent affair between Anakin Skywalker and a seductive female Slaver from Bothan.

Seated here beside him, she wore her best Sabbac face, appearing outwardly as if that news report had no effect on her at all. Of course she knew through the Force he could feel her jealousy, rage, and grief at his... maybe the word wasn't betrayal, but it felt that way. It wasn't as he was hers. Even though she knew in her heart of hearts he should be hers, always hers. In realty, he wasn t.

And that was by her choice. One that she questioned every single day.

Sparing a sly glance at her out the corner of his eye, Anakin's patience was at an end. Not that he had much to begin with, but this was borderline insane. The slinky purple gown she wore was feminine as it was professional, and was driving him mad. He wanted her rid of it and crying out his name... hadn't been able to think of anything else for weeks now. He wanted to know every single thing she'd done in their time apart, but more than that, he wanted her writhing beneath him with his cock buried so deeply inside her she'd never forget he was the man that made her a woman.

Still, time passed in utter silence.

Grimacing as he flew, Anakin didn't bother trying to suppress his frustration any longer. He set the starship controls on autopilot, and then swiveled his chair to face her. "Are you not going to talk to me at all?"

Not bothering to lift her gaze from the data-pad, Padme calmly replied, "What is there to say?"

Anakin blinked, his gaze staring through her. Her cool exterior didn't fool him in the least. "Its been five long months since we've seen each other." He thought the sheer weight of the unspoken between them, how that time nearly killed him being away from her, was enough to drop their guard if even for one night and give into just being together. Their kiss earlier certainly felt like tonight would be one of 'those' nights. The kind he lived for. "What's wrong, Padme?"

'Everything', her mind shouted angrily. That they weren't normal. That she wasn't Mrs. Skywalker. That she'd chosen duty over her personal life years ago. That he hadn't fought for her. That she hadn't followed her heart when it screamed at her what to do. That they were in this completely screwed up, dysfunctional, non-relationship. That he simply wasn't hers, and that fact was the one and only thing in the galaxy she hated. "... nothing. Just fly."

Her walls were up tonight, shutting him out in a way he hated with a passion. Anakin latched onto her slender wrist, forcing her gaze to meet his. What he found in her warm brown eyes were hints of sadness and anger. Anxiety and jealousy surrounded her thoughts. He'd hoped for elation at their reunion, if only for a few hours. "Padme, talk to me! What's going on?"

Her mouth twisted with annoyance. "How did you get that mark on your neck?"

His thoughts scattered as his free hand unconsciously rubbed where her eyes were set. It suddenly dawned on him what this was all about. He sighed heavily, swearing under his breath, wishing he didn't have to explain this. "Whatever you think happened, didn't happen."

"Even if it did, it isn't any of my business." Staring straight ahead, Padme banished her inner turmoil from any outward exposure. Anakin was glaring at her with uncomfortable intensity, but her aloof attitude was above it all. "I'd prefer the less said about it the better."

The riot of emotions she caused within him was ever present tonight. He had no intention of allowing her to brush this topic under the rug. "I was working undercover, busting up a slavery ring on Bothan involving pre-teen girls being sold into prostitution," he began as she peered off into the distance. "Lara ran the slavers capture squad and was responsible for planning all the raids. I went in as a new recruit and worked to get close to her. I tried to impress her with my piloting skills and ability to get past Republic security blockades. But she was far more enthralled by my... other attributes."
He could be such a smug, egotistical ass sometimes. And that small faint mark on the side of his neck left her blood boiling. The HoloNet footage of that statuesque blonde pawing sensuously at him gnawed at her subconscious. Nonetheless, Padme kept her tone of voice even and uncaring, though internally she was anything but. "There was footage of her sitting on your lap while sucking on your neck." The tiny tick of her jaw was barely noticeable. "Is that your idea of aggressive undercover work?"

The Senator from Naboo could drive him to fits of madness sometimes. "If you're jealous, just say so?"

"I'm not!" Padme quickly retorted.

"... liar."

Her eyes widened at his obvious use of Force perception, and then she turned away. "What you do, who you do it with and where doesn t concern me. I'd just rather we not discuss it. We'll be back on Coruscant in a few hours. Lets just keep things professional."

Anakin snorted, "Its never been just professional between us."

"There's a first time for everything, Anakin."

"Why won't you just admit it?" he questioned angrily, "Its been five damn months, Padme! Can't we not play these games for one night?" he heard himself plead, and then wish he could take back when he felt a swell of hurt drift over her. He both hated that and the fact that its her fault they aren't together right now. Nonetheless, he still put her first. "I didn't sleep with Lara."

Shutting her eyes, Padme exhaled a quiet, "I don't care."

"She was all over me that day," he began, watching Padme's stoic reaction. Her ability to hide her emotions rivaled a Jedi. "After weeks of working to gain her trust, Lara kept trying to seduce me... promising me ecstasy... power... how she would make me forget every woman I'd ever been with."

The slaver's words made Padme's skin crawl, her nails eager to tear into the skin of this Lara and make her regret she was ever born. She wished she were above such pettiness. Such thoughts were unlike her, but she felt them nonetheless. Softly, she asked, "Why didn't you?"

Surely he heard her wrong. "Why didn't I what?"

Lifting her gaze, Padme met his head-on. "Fuck her?"

Always above such graphic language, just hearing her utter 'that' word hardened his cock as if she'd caressed it. He was furious with her, wished he didn't crave her, and still wanted to possess every inch of her. She was his sweetest addiction. "Because she wasn't you."

Bowing to hide her expression of relief, Padme felt her cheeks burn through a blush. Giving herself over to the elemental connection she shared with him, one rooted in the Force in some way, she knew he told her the truth. But the very real, very possessive woman within her hated the thought of another woman marking him.

Rising from her chair, Padme clasped the hand at her wrist, and then stepped between the long legs of Anakin. Her piercing gaze captured his sky blue eyes. She pressed a small lever on the right arm rest of his pilot's chair, and both reclined and vaulted away.

Softly wetting her lips, unable to resist a moment longer, Padme admitted in a soft surrendering tone, "I didn't want to miss you, but I did... desperately."

Clutching at his forearms, Padme rhythmically swayed her slender hips over his lap, riding Anakin at a lazy gallop that left them both moaning each others names. Beneath her dress his hands filled with the firm cheeks of her ass, cupping her backside possessively as she rocked on top of him. She curled like a snake over him, loving that the exqusit ectasy of claiming him inside her.

Moments ago they shifted whatever clothing that kept them apart out of the way, so eager to be together again that they didn't care about comfort. Five long, torturous months apart created a wild, angry need that had to be sated at once!

Anakin was enthralled as he watched her eye lids seductively drift shut. His soon followed, lost, drowning in the pleasure of her inner muscles clenching greedily around him. He inhaled sharply, loving how Sith-sexy she looked with her head thrown back, back arched, rising and falling over his hard cock. The way she gently bit at her lip at how deeply he filled her, captivated by the regal column of her neck as she rose and descended wetly all around him. She was his, screamed within his soul. All his forever no matter what walls she placed between them. I could never be hers.

The tips of her nipples tingled when her eyes opened. Gliding all the way down over his lap, trapping his throbbing cock deeply inside her, she leaned forward and captured his soft mouth. Sharp arousal and pure love flowed through her, the devastating effects of kissing him so possessively. Their lips parted on a husky gasp as she gazed into his eyes. I don't want to love you so much.

But you do.

He didn't ask, only acknowledged what she already knew deep down. Instead of facing that truth, she sucked and bit at his lips before sweeping her tongue inside his mouth, dueling bwith his own. His hand squeezed her ass hard, his hips driving into her with long, forceful thrusts. She felt him spreading her, feeding every thick inch until she was full of him. The sensation left her light-headed as she rode up and down, her hand now grasping his shoulders. There was nothing that compared to being joined to him, feeling him so hot and hard inside her. She wnated to tear all his clothes off and devour him. Take him in her mouth and suck until he scremed her name. Even now as they were all but fully clothed she couldn't stop riding him hard. Did you... did you have to kiss her?

Her body tensed slickly around his cock, the pleasure so all-consuming he couldn't take his eyes off of her. Of the way she sounded... the wicked expressions crossing her face... the scent of them so thick in the air. ... she kissed me once.

Padme's silence spoke volumes, but not once did her body stop fucking his. He was thrusting up into her fiercely as her nails clawed into his shoulders. Her body tensed as she felt her body reaching for what was just over the horizon. Their coupling turned frantic. I... I hate her.

I love only you, Anakin pledged, and before she could say another word cupped the back of her head and drew her mouth back down to his. He ate her soft mouth, kissing her deeply, holding her where he wanted her. He rocked his hips into her, kissing her frantically, loving the sound of their flesh slapping together and her litany of Uhnn... Uhnnn... uhnnn... Aniplease...

Padme nipped at his bottom lip so hard she drew blood, and then felt him growing, stiffening inside her. With his control nearly lost, and her body cresting toward a thunderous climax, she buried her face in the crook of his neck and bit down hard!

Her name sailed as a loud wail from the pit of his throat as he came in thick bursts inside her, literal lifting her with hard impacting thrusts. She wailed and quivered in his arms, her climax wrenching through her in sharp jerks as their bodies wrung each other dry until their was nothing left to give.

Slowly sitting upright, Padme blinked when she recognized the angry red mark on Anakin's neck. She hadn't torn the skin, but it was bruised and damn noticeable. She'd hurt him, and yet she hadn't.

She'd marked him. Still held him inside her, watching him now as he watched her. Only in their quiet moments were all pretenses set aside. All that they wanted was each other.

Anakin felt the pain and the pleasure, loving both and the woman who gave them to him. The only women he'd ever wanted and couldn't truly have. Normally they'd start talking and it would lead to a heated argument that would end their tryst until the next time. But this was five long months apart, and all that he could do was draw her to his chest, wrap his arms around her, and just not care about anything but this moment.

Padme wept softly against his chest, allowing his warm embrace to sooth her. Comfort her. Remind her of what she truly loved about life. His newly cloned arm was still a shade darker than the rest of his skin, but a welcome replacement for that leather glove over cybernetics. Are you alright? she asked softly.

Its pretty hard to kill me, he noted boldly, and then amended when he felt her worry, I'm fine. Especially right now. He felt her smile against his chest. How about you?

She misses him. Loves him. Wants him. Craves him. Wants to be with him. Wants a family with him. And wishes she were a better person. So many feelings and just as many regrets. I'm doing well... not to bad.

And your husband?

Padme shut her eyes, not wanting to talk about him at all.

The End of Chapter 1

More will be revealed next chapter. Muhahahahaha!