Title: "We have angered Billy... this is not
good!"
Written by: Shawn
One-Shot
Summary: Sick and tired of Tommy and Kim's endless day-long bickering, Billy
banishes them to a deserted island to work out their dispute once and for all.
Rating: PG-13
Category: Humor/Romance
Timeline/Spoilers: Two weeks post "White Light"
Ship: Tommy and Kim
Disclaimer: Uhm... a certain locale here, if the
reader figures out where it is, doesn't belong to me anymore than these Power
Rangers characters.
Authors Notes 1. A good friend of mine, Rapunzl,
recently wrote a wonderful old-school PR fic that
sorta inspired this. I advise you all to check it out.
~~~~~~
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much
fraternizing with the enemy."
-- Henry Kissinger
~~~~~~
******
******
A "deserted" island
Thursday, November 2nd, 1994 6:00 PM
"WHY AM I STANDING ON A GIANT STONE FOOT!" Kimberly Ann Hart shouted,
hands on her slender hips, and then with a pronounced stomp to said foot, she
glared menacingly at her maybe-soon-to-
It never ceased to amaze Tommy the strange things that often happened in his
life, and how whenever his girlfriend got really angry it usually led to a
statement of how she would remove some part of the male sexual genitalia with
brute force. He shivered from the mental image, and then gazed out over the
gorgeous sandy beach before turning his attention back to the huge stone foot
that seemed to have been part of a much bigger statue at one time. Now all that
remained was a huge stone foot. One Billy saw fit to deposit Kim on five
minutes ago. And if he wasn't so furious with her he'd probably smile and then
kiss her. Maybe. Possibly. If
he wasn't so freaking mad at her. "Will you please get down from there."
Ignoring the 'Jerk' as her mind now renamed him, Kim leapt off the big stone
toe, hitting the soft sand with a perfect landing. While taking in her new
surroundings, she had to admit the beautiful blue waters and endless coastline
would have been very romantic under any other circumstance than being here with
the 'Jerk'. A dense, towering forest sat behind them stretching for miles.
Putting the area out of her mind, the Pink Ranger stalked toward her boyfriend
and solidly poked him in the chest with a finger. "This is all your fault."
Hadn't he heard that enough today? The words were starting to give him a head
ache. Tommy looked past her, which wasn't hard given her diminutive height.
Better not mention that. She's in a balls tearing off kinda
mood. And he tried to ignore how incredibly cute she was when she was angry. He
mentally smacked himself upside the head for being so far gone that he thought
her anger was cute. Sometimes being in love with a woman that drove you crazy
could really suck. "I did nothing wrong, unlike you."
"You drove Billy to this," Kim asserted with another pink nail polish
coated finger to the White Ranger's chest. "This is your fault. He was so
annoyed with you."
"You're the one that hit him in the head with your shoe," Tommy
countered her appalled expression.
"I was throwing it at you!"
Shaking his head at the lunacy of it all, Tommy blew out a quick breath of air
and then shut his eyes. All afternoon long it had been like this. Them sniping at each other since the huge fiasco in the high school
cafeteria. Their constant bickering all day long, followed by the shoe
attack that struck Billy in the head led to the single greatest display of
rebellious activity they had ever seen in the young man. He actually roared,
"I AM INTENSLY EXHAUSTED DUE TO YOUR CONTINUED BICKERING OVER THE
MISINTERPETED EVENTS OFTODAY. I AM SENDING THE BOTH OF YOU SOMEWHERE TO HASH
THIS OUT FOR THE GOOD OF THE TEAM AND MY CONTINUED SANITY. GOODYBYE AND WATCH
OUT FOR THE FRENCH LADY!"
The Blue Ranger then logged onto the
Tapping a foot in the sand, Kim stood with her arms crossed, counting backward
to reign in her anger. It wasn't working. Even Tommy's sexiness wasn't
lessening her frustration. No matter how tight his white shirt was, or the
delicious-looking muscles tempting her teenage virginity, she was still pissed.
She could not get the sight of the 'Jerk' kissing that other girl out of her
head. She needed some mental acid to burn the image off of her subconscious.
She would never say this out loud because it wasn't appropriate for a girl to
say, but did he have a clue that if she were on her period she might have
committed murder in front of a couple hundred of their classmates? Tina was so
close to meeting the Grim Reaper she had no idea. "Look, since we were
sent here against our will, we might as well at least settle this. I know we
can act like mature adults and talk things out."
Exhaling deeply, Tommy nodded. She was his girlfriend after all. He did love
her. Okay, secretly, he kinda worshiped the ground
her little feet walked on. But she wasn't gonna know
that today. "Okay, alright."
Once upon a time Kim's mom told her that the key to dealing with any species
possessing the penal gland was to pretend to treat them equally while never
forgetting you are superior. She stood her ground, set her shoulders, and
titled her chin high. "Apologize."
Surely Tommy heard her wrong. His eyes narrowed. "What?"
"I said apologize."
"I date you, not take orders from you."
Kim poked his chest again. "If you want to continue doing one, you might
want to start with the other."
Tommy's father once told him a pretty woman could take a man from calm and
rational to straight-jacket mental patient in zero point five seconds. Wise words indeed. He didn't drink, doubted he ever would,
but considered that women like his Beautiful could send a man there. Again, he
tried to stay calm. "Kim, I did nothing wrong."
Taking a little leisure stroll around her 'jerk' of a boyfriend, Kimberly began
detailing his unforgivable transgression. "Tina took a stupid bet from Kacey to come up and kiss you out of the blue. When she did
you just stood there like a mannequin and let her eat your face for nearly six
long seconds. Now go ahead. Insult me with your defense."
As twisted as her recollection of today's events were, Tommy recognized the real
hurt in her warm brown eyes. It toned down his growing annoyance enough for him
to not snap back at her. "I was standing there with Jason waiting for you
and the others to come back to our table. When I turned around she just kissed
me. It wasn't six seconds. It was barely two."
"It was six. I counted!"
"It was two. And her breath wasn't minty fresh either."
"Oh, so not only did you enjoy the six second kiss, but now you're
insulting her breath?"
"No, I didn't enjoy it. I never said that. She kissed me. Not the other
way around."
Her mom once said men were the reason ice cream, the Lifetime Channel, and foot
massages came into creation. It was God's way of saying to women, 'Sorry'. That
Ole Y-chromosome idea... yeah, that didn't work out to well. "You could
have pushed her away."
"I did!" he argued to no avail.
"Sooner!" Kim stopped her pacing because she
was growing dizzy from the circles she made. As it was, there was a sandy ring
resembling a reservoir around Tommy. Her back was to him now as she tried to
collect her thoughts. The sting of catching another girl kissing Tommy still
ate away at her. She'd waited so long for them to be together. Truly, really together. And in one brief moment her heart
almost stopped. "You let her kiss you and everyone watched." He moved
before her, his hands falling to her slumped shoulders. Her eyes slowly lifted
to meet his. She willed them not to cry.
The sheer depth of emotion he discovered in her haunted gaze made him all the
more protective of her. Alas, his dad told him patience was required in all
relationships. "Tina kissed me, not the other way around. I was
momentarily stunned, and I then pushed her away. I did not kiss her back."
Kim noted softly, "You laughed."
"It was stupid and everyone knew it. It was a bet and she apologized after
she did it," he explained in hopes that they were finally making progress.
She seemed to be listening. "Newsflash Kim, we aren't the world to Angel
Grove High and everyone doesn't know how official we are these days." Her
expression softened even as his own began to scowl.
"But what you did next, you did on purpose."
Kim sighed guiltily and then spun on her heel when a booming rumble sounded in
the nearby forest, thundering the very ground beneath her feet. Looking into the
forest, she swore she saw something moving... something big and... like a swirling cloud of thick black smoke. When her gaze
reached her boyfriend, she found his eyes trained in the tree tops as well.
"Tommy, did you just see..."
"Yeah," he noted quietly, backing away slowly and taking her hand in
his. "What did Billy say about this place?"
"Well, as he put it, this is a mildly deserted island in the
"Great, just great. I'm the leader of the Power
Rangers and yet I'm kicked out of my own
pockets. "Forget whatever that thing was."
"Sure. Forget the big scary thing that might kill us. That's a brilliant
plan, oh fearless leader."
Yep, she was tap dancing on his last nerve. "Kim, you over-reacted to the
Tina thing and out of anger walked over to Larry, sat on his lap and kissed
him. How do you think that made me feel?"
It hurt him like she intended to do at the time, but now she felt guilty over
his feelings. She never meant to cause Tommy pain. She loved him dearly and
with all her heart. But at the time she just wanted to strike back at him. Now
she felt bad about the whole thing. What she did really meant something to him and
she could tell. "Okay... so maybe kissing Larry wasn't the best idea I've
ever had."
"You think," he noted with a hint of sarcasm, still clinging to his
ire. That was when she poked him again in the chest. A light
little poke while favoring him with a beaming smile. It was their
special way of beginning a apology without actually
saying the word. He fought the curl of his lips as best he could. She just kept
right on poking and he hated how much he loved it when she touched him.
"You've been yelling at me all day."
He just about pouted. She almost laughed. "I'm not perfect on
Thursday's," she shrugged.
It was easier fighting Lord Zedd than not laughing at her wit. His head turned
and he cleverly hid a smirk behind a cough. "Now I have to kill Larry. At
my trial I'm blaming you." That broke the damn of tension between them
when her laughter lit up his world.
"I promise to not kill Tina if you promise to not kill Larry. Deal?" Kimberly extended her hand to shake.
Tommy kissed her.
Soundly...
And in a possessive way he'd never had the guts to do before. How she ended up
in his arms, her small hands clinging to his shirt while their mouths made
love, he wasn't sure. This spark of boldness was new, but he promised himself
upon his return that Kim wouldn't wonder anymore about her place in his life.
He loved her and she would know that from now on. And oh God could she kiss.
Her tongue was curling around his so passionately he thought he'd lose his
mind. Moist lips roamed in smooth circles, drawing them ever closer until
things got so hot they had to break apart to breath.
Uhm... as far as 'baseball' went,
they'd rounded second base three days ago. And that was enough for now. Home
plate was still a ways off. But not so far that it wasn't in
sight.
Blushing, her teeth nipping at her bottom lip, Kim wondered if she loved Tommy
too much. He was just... he was hers. The first boy that was
ever truly hers. Today's mishap showed they both had a ways to go
maturity wise, but she knew that in this instance it was her a bit more than
him that needed to be forgiven. "I'm sorry, Tommy. I apologize for going
off and kissing Larry."
"You should know I love you enough to not want to kiss another woman. I
actually sat through the Princess Bride with you four times. That's true
love," he smiled, holding her in his arms, and then with a terrible
Spanish accent quotes, "Hello. My name is Inigo
Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
One of the most popular lines from the movie. It made
her chuckle against his chest, and then tickle his
sides. "Your accent is atrocious," she teased, gazing into his eyes.
"So am I forgiven?"
"Only if you forgive me for not taking what happened
a bit more seriously considering your feelings. We're both at fault here."
"Okay, we're forgiven."
"You... you just decided for both of us? Just like
that?"
"I girl-friended the moment."
"Girl-friended the moment?"
"Yes. It's when the girlfriend, possessing a firmer grasp on the
reins of the relationship and its proper management decided to rule on a
particular subject for the couple as a whole, disregarding the man's opinion at
the time he feels he has one. I totally girl-friended the moment."
"And if I want to enjoy second base again some day I had better
keep my mouth shut, right?"
"Yup."
"Okay then." Tommy smiled before pressing his lips to hers
again, only to feel her draw away and stare at the sky. He followed her line of
vision and watched a square wooden crate attached to a parachute softly landing
twenty meters away. "What the heck!"
Bushes rustled in the forest as Kim caught sight of a haggardly dressed woman
with long dark hair approaching the crated. She used some kind of metal prong
to pry it open, and began going through its contents. "Dharma," she
said, noting the name on the side of the crate. The woman ignored them as they
slowly approached. "She may be in need of a bath, seriously. Do you think
she needs help?"
"We'll soon find out." Tommy took the point until they were a few
feet away from the crate. He didn't want to come any closer and frighten her.
"Ma'am, are you alright? Do you live on this island."
The older woman looked up, clearly startled, and took a fast step backward. She
eyed them suspiciously. "Qui êtes-vous?
Où avez-vous venir?"
(Who are you? Where did you come from?)
Kim and Tommy looked at each other, both a bit puzzled.
The woman glared, noting their strange clothing. Like the boy in blue. "Avez-vous sur
cette île? Êtes-vous avec eux? Les autres?"
(How did you get on this island? Are you with them? The
Others?)
Feeling they had nothing to lose, Tommy knew he got a B in French last
semester. "Kim, I'm pretty sure she's speaking in French. She must be the
woman Billy was talking about. And she might need our help. I'm going to try
and communicate with her." Kim nodded. He summoned all of what he
remembered from his French class. "Mai, nous vous aider à manger votre
cheval?" (May we help you eat your horse?)
Titling her head to the side, the woman made a disgusted face.
"Okay, I asked her if she needed help. Let me try this." Tommy
cleared his throat. "Avez-vous
besoin d'existence? Orgie Nous voulons vous aider?"
(Are you in need of existence? We orgy want to help you.)
"Orgie?"
"Orgy. Not in my lifetime," Kim joked. "Tommy, that
didn't sound like the right word." The Pink Ranger was a bit worried. Especially when the French woman suddenly ran off into the forest.
"Oh great, you scared the crazy French lady away."
"No I didn't." Tommy shrugged and then peered inside the crate. He
saw black and white packed goods like crackers, short bread cookies, noodles,
and cereal. He grabbed a bag of the cookies. "Dharma
cookies. I've never heard of them before."
"Me either," Kim said while looking into the sky, wondering who would
parachute food to this island and why. Maybe it wasn't so deserted after all.
Then she heard munching. Turning around she caught Tommy with a mouthful of
cookies. "Hey! We don't know what Dharma is! That wasn't made my Nabisco
or Hostess. There are no Keebler elves on those
packages. Dharma might make rat poison for all we know."
"But..." Tommy finished chewing, wiping away crumbs from his mouth.
"They were air-tight sealed. They smell fresh. Want one?" He extended
his hand with a cookie in it.
Kim just stared at her guy and realized fully and completely that he was just
that. A guy. A simple guy. A
typical do first, ask questions later sort of guy. But he was her guy and she
wouldn't have it any other way. Shaking her head while wearing a smile, she
noted the tiny pink light on her wrist communicator was blinking. Tommy's was
too. It meant their teleportation controls were back and they could go home.
"I guess Billy figures we're done making up. Its time to
go, Cookie Monster."
"Oh I don't know. We could hang out here a little while longer.
Maybe explore the forest."
"No. We're going home."
"Are you girl-friending the moment again?"
"Yes and you are leaving those cookies behind.... and the ones in your
hand.... now swallow... wipe your mouth again... good boy." My mom told
her it took her six years to train her properly train
her dad from his pre-set Neanderthal ways to something resembling a grown adult
male. The Pink Ranger hoped to whip Tommy in shape in half that time. He adored
her and she knew it. Often, she never abused it. But sometimes...
"Let's go home, Beautiful." Sharing a final kiss, they clinked their wrist communicators as brilliant bursts of
white and pink energy rocketed off into the sky.
******
The End
PS: In case you were wondering and not a fan of the show "Lost," this
was the island from that TV show.